07843 055587 clare@clarecogan.com

I was posed to write my blog this morning and a dilemma presented itself to me which I struggled with. I struggled because I was stuck in the judgement part of my thinking. I wondered whether writing about it would help – which it did!

After school run, I came home and noticed that my youngest had forgotten to put his homework in his bag.

After countless reminders and him getting huffy with me about the countless reminders.

He is very nearly 8 so still learning about getting things together in the morning and remembering things but, here lies my dilemma.

I know that for not bringing in his homework today he will get a homework detention. I know that this will lead him to feel upset and anxious as I know my boy.

But

We do sometimes have to teach them to take responsibility for the stuff that they need to do, they can’t always hand it over to us.

I don’t want my boy to be upset or unhappy, and I can do something to influence this outcome, but should I?

There is no right answer in this situation and all will have their own opinion. This is what being a mum is all about, having to make decisions that no book or forum or Facebook group is going to help with.Those moment to moment decisions where you could go one of two ways, and either way is the right way.

What is important is the self talk you give yourself for the decision that you make. You don’t need to justify your decision, or rationalise it to anyone. You are mum and although it is tough at times (the homework example being just one of many) you know what is best for your child in any given moment. Trust yourself and feel good that you have made the right decision for your child as an individual.

What am I going to do about the homework, I haven’t quite decided yet………

So I took it in.

My thought process indicated that if I didn’t I would sit with that all day, feeling guilty at knowing I could have had a positive impact on my sons day at school and not wanting him to be upset and panicky. He may not have reacted in that way at all but it was the thoughts in my mind which were going to have an impact on ME and I didn’t want that. Funny though, because when I power walked down to drop it off (a bit of exercise into the bargain) I met another mum doing exactly the same thing, handing in the homework for her son (ironically in the same year), maybe it was National forgetting to hand homework in day? 🙂

I can imagine his relief at having it, and I will be awesome mum when he comes home this afternoon, rather than guilty mum all day. I won’t have that train of thought of ‘natural consequences’ and ‘well he won’t forget it next time’. He might, he might not, we will deal with that when it next presents itself. But right now, he is not quite 8, school is tough going and I want on the whole it to be a positive experience and I didn’t think in this moment was the right time to start ‘teaching him a lesson’.

My message to you today is. Don’t beat yourself up for the decision you did, or didn’t make. Moment by moment we are doing the best we can and nobody, but nobody is the perfect parent, whatever they portray to the outside world. No harm would have come to my son if I had gone either way but it was the way I felt about it that mattered, not the opinions or judgments from others.

You ARE good enough.

Clare x

#mondaymorningmessage